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I thought I made it up, but spiracle is a real word

Monday, August 29, 2005


I am not this person anymore.

Sunday, May 1, 2005


his hands are beautiful and big
in the day he pushes me around
in the night he puts them on my hips
and puts his mouth on my back
and I'm overpowered again.
his hair is always slept-in
and he never drives his car
his bicycle is his favorite thing
he likes to be outside, like me.
he struggles with himself
its hard for him to be honest
in the day we go climbing trees
at night we go swimming
we don't talk a lot.
he has trouble with social politeness
and he's frequently rude
no one understands him.
every time I see him he tells me
I have such beautiful hair
and he runs his big beatiful hands through it
and I close my eyes.

Friday, April 22, 2005


So last Friday I went on a romantic bike ride in the dark. Tonight we took the bikes again and rode around campus and talked to people for awhile before we went out to the Nature Preserve. He asked if I would be his model to do some drawings for his porfolio, because I had beautiful hair. *swoon* I said if that was how he was planning to get me naked, too bad because I don't do nude. I like him a lot.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


....because the most mundane details demand our full attention, because everything requires extensive analysis....

communication is so unattainable....my life is my reality, and mine alone, no one shares it....how can I ever expect anyone to understand my perspective? its impossible. we're all alone; interaction with others is so shallow, but its the only thing we have to distract ourselves from ourselves....its very rare, very special when one understands another....

Hold your glass up, hold it in
Never betray the way you've always known it is.
One day i'll be wondering how
I got so old just wondering how
I never got cold wearing nothing in the snow.

Friday, February 18, 2005

7:24PM - for everyone who hasn't seen this, you're about to be a little happier


Monday, January 10, 2005


right now I'm all alone.

Wednesday, December 8, 2004


"Blake is thinking in secret colors and shapes!!!" -Sally

"Are the bottoms of your eyes puffy?" -Sally
"Yes. And the tops. The tops and the bottoms." -Jason

"Don't be Loney Lucys!!!" -Jason

"Bigger cup of water. And food." -Linda

"I am way too high. I can't think." -Blake

Thursday, December 2, 2004


They'll all look at me and they'll say
And they'll say
Hey look at him,
I never lived that way,
Than's okay, you're just afraid to change

Thats alright,
my words will fade after today

a wave up to the sky

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

4:03PM - yum condoms!

I think I'm going to dye my hair. rosewood. =red. but not very. probably not even noticeable. and temporary, too; washes out in 28 shampoos. so in case I don't like it, I can just obsessively wash my hair over and over again next time I shower. no, I'm not nervous about it at all.
I picked up a green, a blue, and a pink condom at the teach-in today. they had a booth for planned parenthood across from the one for ULF-United Leftist Front, baby. I even got buttons, a sticker that said United League of Pissed Off Voters, and several tasty suckers, including watermelon and strawberry. it was a fun event. I saw everyone. I even saw Kelly, my supersexyhot neighbor who scares the fucking hell out of me. I squeeze my eyes shut tight in prayer every time I see him and desperately aviod eye contact. *chill down my spine* ahhhh...
what is everyone doing over christmas?
I'm going to fs for Thanksgiving, we should get together if anyone else is going home. we could have a fun, fun time.

Thursday, October 28, 2004


I have two tests today, I already took one, and I have another in, oh, an hour. And guess how much studying I did for these two extremely important (and supremely difficult) tests yesterday. None. Thats right. Instead I acted like a dumbshit and spent all of yesterday evening and night driving around and eating and harassing Blake. Then we went to McDonalds and ate some animal flesh to honor the lunar eclipse. Thats right, Linda's a vegetarian and I convinced her that a sacrifice was imperative on this super special holiday. Then we went home and I had scary dreams about everyone I've ever known in my life. I need to go. Some guy in my class promised to show me how to do these bullshit problems for my damn trig test. Damnit. Damnit. Damnit. John, are you staying in town this weekend? I know there are several Halloween parties....

Wednesday, October 20, 2004


So I counted my fruit flies yesterday, and I got really super excited because I thought I found a mutant, a real freak of nature. It looked like a fly with another fly growing out of its back. It was crazy. Then I got everyone else to look at my great discovery, and after turning it all around, we decided it was just fly+fly guts. I was supremely disappointed. Then I started thinking, how traumatizing would it be as a fly, or as any other animal, to grow up with a corpse stuck on your back. I mean we don't know how long that partial-fly had been dead. Whole fly may have conceivebly spent the majority of his life with his dead, rotting brother stuck on his wings. Gah! Then I became compassionate and put the poor thing out of his misery.
Linda, you are a bad influence on me. But the thing with Blake yesterday was probably the funniest thing I've witnessed in a very long time. Too bad he didn't do it with us...how great would that be. "Damnit, you guys. If you're fucking with me..." Oh, sigh, great times.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

1:52PM - This is for you, Linda

Dear Blake,
We finally looked at your porn. “Bookworm Bitches”?! Why do you have ugly-girl porn? What the hell? Holly was especially unattractive. We are both way hotter than Holly. Well, it turned us on anyway and so we proceeded to take off all our clothes and have red-hot lesbian sex on your bed, which we then made. :)

Hope you don’t mind.
Love always,
Sally & Linda

Friday, October 15, 2004


splintered sunlight
cracks the floor
and my breathing
breaks through all noise
is your hand on my shoulder
is your breath on my neck
is the whole day ours
I watch your lips speak
but I hear no words
I'm all alone.
and it starts again.
I can see, hear,
drops crash in the sink
and you're only in my head.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

1:02PM - Let's talk about sex

Okay everyone, lets talk: sex is cool. Everyone should participate in this wonderful expression of love; not only love, but lust. People get horny. Let's just face it. I know everyone goes through phases of "I just want to get laid." Some more than others (for some this isn't a phase), but everyone feels this way at some point. I know I do. I think I'm incredibly lucky that I just don't run into random sexy guys who want to get into my pants, especially when I'm high. Because I'm pretty sure I don't have very strong willpower. But most people want their first time to be special, right? Or is it that important? What if it was just a friend that you're close to, and you agree that it doesn't have to involve a real "relationship," and that you won't let it be weird afterwards. Does it have to be weird? (what a weird word) Because I really think everyone should have sex. Its wonderful, and sweet, and calming. Sometimes its just about comfort, and there's nothing wrong with that. We should all help each other out here. Promote sex! Everyone must respond to this! EVERYONE, ALL FOUR OF YOU ON MY FRIENDS LIST! I need your opinions.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

11:27PM - Klinefelters!!!!!!!!!

oh man. we reviewed Klinefelters, Turners, and XXX syndromes today. I had to conciously restrain myself from laughing about all the fun times we had in bio. sigh...good times. its fall break this week; no class Thursday or Friday. Linda and I were thinking about going camping and smoking out all weekend, but we don't have anyone to invite. its always more fun with other people. Justin, your pics are great!!! and I haven't been on aim recently because my computer's a bitch and I've either been at the library or on someone else's. and they usually don't have it.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

12:20PM - I should go back to Mexico

Hey kids! Well school has started and I'm tired of it already. You know even as a freshman I wasn't that excited about the new semester; I was already feeling the whole indifferent/apathetic thing that usually comes with senioritis. I'm taking Genetics, Spanish Civilization, World Lit I, Analytic Trig, and yes, thats it. I was signed up for Geography, but it was suspiciously at the same time as Lit, I'm not sure how I signed up for two MWF classes at 1:00. The system should not allow that to happen, don't you think. Apparently I'm just an idiot. And I've been trying to get in contact with my advisor for several days to get into another class but now its too late so looks like I'll just have to drop Geography and do 13 hours this semester. Thats okay though, I plan on having a full schedule in the spring. If I take a Spanish Lit class and another 4000 level spanish, I'll be finished with my major. Yes, today I went to the World Languages Dept and declared it my major. Only because I'm two classes away with the credit I got in Mexico. I don't know what to minor in though, after this year I'll be done with Spanish and all my GenEd courses.... I'm living in a pretty sweet apt in Chapel Ridge with two girls named Jessica and Amber. They already knew each other and are friends, both sophomores, nursing majors, and both black. I do feel a little like the odd one out. They listen to a lot of loud obnoxious rap music but other than that I like them I guess. They seem nice. Speaking of black people, Jean, we need to get together sometime soon (relatively speaking) so I can give you this sweet-ass bottle of real Mexican tequila!!! You should come down here and stay with me or John and we can have a party. That would be fun. Haven't really seen John yet.... I'm going to Fort Smith this weekend and taking Jason to get his car out of the shop. Shane and Shelby's last soccer game is Saturday so I'm going to that. I'm a little nervous to go home, its bound to be rather awkward since now I'm aware of what a big disappointment I am to my parents. Wow. Thats harsh. Okay well I have class in 15 minutes, we get to discuss Gilgamesh, fun fun. See you kids later.

Monday, July 5, 2004

1:49PM - hola from mexico

just got back from the beach in Puerto Vallarta, it was fucking awesome. I have a sunburn but you guys, you won't even recognize me, I am so tan....yes, me. So if you want mexican tequila or cuban cigars, let me know and its not free, you'll owe me, I'm almost broke. But just wanted to keep you up to date, I'll be back on the 17th, when's our big camping trip? I made As on both my midterms....too bad I don't have anyone's address, they have great postcards here. The mountians here are beautiful, I'm taking lots of photos to show you guys. Gotta go, see you soon!

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

4:25PM - I'm here!!!!

ohmygod mexico is so fucking awesome, I am never coming back to the US. Everything here is very colorful, the house I am staying in is gorgeous, my host mother(?) is named aime and she looks maybe a couple years older than me and she is super beautiful, almost model-material. She is actually 31 and has two kids, Brian, 8, and Sebasian, 5. They are really cute and they always want me to play with them but I can't really understand what they are saying becuase they speak really fast and don't enunciate their words. But I play anyway. I only just met her husband, he is nice too, he owns a bar here and works a lot. Today is wednesday, and like american fridays, everyone goes out tonight to the bars and the "discotecas"--clubs. Tonight ladies get in free and free drinks too. Also the cinema is dos por uno on wednesdays. So tonight I am going to La Mancha, a popular club. I attend two classes, levels 7 and 8, one at 8:00 and one at 10, a little under two hours each, with a break in between. They're mostly grammatical reveiw and conversation. We talk a lot. I'm sure this is a little rushed, I'm in a little internet shop thing, not a cafe, but you can use the computers for 20 pesos/hora. I take the bus to school for 3 and a half pesos (35 cents) There are students from all over, mostly the US but some from like switzerland and argentina... ok my hour is almost up but please por favor leave comments so I can keep in touch. Also on this computer is msn messenger so perhaps we will be on at the same time in the future. Besos para todos y hasta luego!

Thursday, May 27, 2004

11:27PM - Mexico

so I got the information about my host family. They live in Jalisco, Guadalajara. But what sucks is they won't even meet me at the airport; I have to get a taxi to take me to some unknown destination and I won't even be able to say where to go. At this very moment, I am petrefied. I have never ever done anything even remotely similar to this. I'm a rather safe boring person. I don't know anyone in Mexico, let alone anyone I'm even going with. Plus I am far from proficient in my Spanish. I always get horribly embarassed and end up mumbling incoherently because I don't know how to say exactly what I mean. I made Bs in both my spanish classes this semester. I have to go to an orientation meeting at 8:30 in the morning the next day and be um, assessed, I guess. This guy from the Spanish department signed me up for the two regular classes and told me to insist that I be placed in those in case they want to put me in something lower. which I'm sure will happen. So I'll have to beg, plead and promise that I'll be able to handle it. IN SPANISH!!! blah. Bottled water, small bills, passport, international ID, student visa, pesos, dollars, airline ticket, ayudame por favor, tengo miedo. That should do it. 15 days. Up until right about now, I had really no feelings either way, not scared, not excited, I was able to place it in that brain compartment labled, "I'll worry about it later, concentrate on not thinking about it" but sigh, now I have to think about it. People always ask what it is you are most afraid of in the world, and I always say, being lost. Lost and alone. With no one looking for you and no one missing you and no one caring or noticing you're gone. Completely alone. I hope I won't feel that way.

Sunday, May 16, 2004



You Should Have a Threesome

You are sure to be a threesome pro (even if you're a first timer)

You're considering having a threesome for the right reasons

Not as a quick fix for a dull sex life or bad relationship

So grab the nearest hottie, and bring him or her into your bedroom

As long as your partner is game - you're sure to have a good time

Be safe, considerate, and don't end up sleeping in the wet spot :-)

Should You Have a Threesome?

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